Rednecks

A redneck, also known as a hillbilly, is a heavily armed, conservative, white gentleman, from the Southern and Midwestern part of America. They are so crazed that most outsiders think that this is what all Americans are like, much like how many Americans think all Brits are members of the upper class. They are inspired by Larry the Cable Guy.

The general redneck only loves five things, his beer, his guns, duct tape, his contraptions, and his beer-related contraptions.

Slang
"J'ever done gone'n getted that thar thang you was gonna git from the catalog?"

Loosely translated, this means "Did you receive the item which you ordered from the catalog?" A catalog is a form of old media. It is similar to eBay, but printed on paper and sent to everybody's house through the mail, another form of old media. Also, a catalog does not have the possibility of a bidding war where the price of an item escalated to over 9000 times its actual value and could be bought by nobody. They also treat the word "done" as a modal verb, putting it in front of every conjugation, ex. "I done did good". They also use "y'all" (you all) in every sentence.

What Rednecks Know About Modern Technology
Now days, rednecks are growing to be more knowledgeable about technology. Recently, a hillbilly bought an iPad. However, the only apps he managed to purchase were the "Git 'R Done" app and Angry Birds. After he got confused by the controls, he decided to rewire it into a universal control for his remote control jet-boat made of beer cans, wasting a bit of money. Rednecks know little about spam and still use the word to refer to the luncheon meat. When you tell a redneck that they've received spam in their inbox, they'll think that they've received a free can of meat in their literal mailbox. Thankfully, they realize that Barack Obama and Communism are wrong.

Children
Rednecks make terrible baby sitters. Here is an example of what they generally do:



Rednecks and their Beer


Rednecks love their beer. If they don't get their daily serving (20 bottles per day) they'll stay in peaceful mode (yeah, right). Since Zombies drag their beer cases away at night, they hunt them. That is why Facebook exists, as the Dark Lord Mark Zuckerburg's (cousin of the Dark Lord Sauron) redneck uncle shot a Zombie, and meat came out. That meat is now called Facebook, and the world's biggest Spam reserve. In fact, their beer removes their eyesight almost completely, which causes Creepers to urinate (Creeper urine is the primary ingredient in beer), and Endermen to die (Endermen's meat is called Spam).