The Swiss Miss

The Swiss Miss is the megalomaniac founder of all hot chocolate powder companies in the world. She was never really Swiss, being born in America along with Aunt Jemima and Mr. Quaker, but she put her fortunes in the bank accounts there, so she technically is Swiss. Nobody has ever seen her face, but many say that she looks like Little Debbie. She currently is against the Estonians and the Segregationalists, as she beat them both to the Hot Cocoa Rush of 1967.

Her History
The Swiss Miss's story can mainly be seen here, but we'll state some other facts here as well. The Swiss Miss allied with Roger Federer and other Swiss notables to market the unhealthy chocolate instant drink to the world, so she invented tennis. That is the only thing we'll forgive her for. After being beat out by the Aunt, the Quaker, and the Debbie, she was stuck with her evil chocolate product, and was unable to sell anything else. She is still currently in a delirious state of denial in her mountain hut in the Alps.

Her Impact
The Swiss Miss forever revolutionized American households. Orignally, hot cocoa was a very long process, often taking days to complete a single cup. Snowstorms back then were short, and this prevented the hot cocoa from actually being effective, as you were stuck with a warm chocolate beverage on a sunny day. With the invention of chocolate powder, everything became easier. You could heat up water, do a dollop of Daisy--er, pardon, put in a bit of chocolate powder, and have an instant fattener! We'd praise the Miss for doing something so evil, but then again, she's Swiss.

We apologize if you read this article, while at the same time be Swiss. Actually, we don't. So hah.