Barack Obama

Barack Obama is our best friend. We helped spike the Ohio vote just to get him reelected. He is filled with bias and loves CNN. He also happens to be the Democratic President of the USA. We love him, too. It's because we actually mind-controlled him to destroy America for us. Now we can invade with our recently acquired Android sister company. Thank you, gullible Democrats. You guys are not roadkill.

His Family
Barack Obama's family is a darling one. He has two girls, a wife, and an over-publicized dog. Don't tell anyone, but he smuggled it from Mexico. Anyway, he has no living relatives other than Nancy Pelosi (his sister, somehow), Osama bin Laden (he got his last name from bin Laden while they were out shopping for caves to hide in), and Joe Biden (um).

His History
He was born somewhere. Whether it be Kenya or Indonesia or Afghanistan, we have no clue. If you question where he was born though, you're a racist. He married Michelle Obama eventually and had kids that they cart around everywhere to look lovable. Their dog is really a machine, also. He is now a two-term dictator, I mean, President, that rules the USA like a boy and his fish that he is going to flush down a toilet.

His Personal Life
Barack Obama's pride and joy is his private helicopter jacuzzi casino thing that looks like a military thing from the outside. He still waters his lawn with Agent Orange.

His religion is one of mystery. He sometimes has Easter services when Republicans berate him and he sometimes has Hanukkah services when Israel gets ticked. He was last seen going to church with Mitt Romney. Wait, what?