CNN

CNN is our favorite news station because they ooze with liberal bias. CNN is also a formidable ally of ours because they rely on us to send them white hair dye for Anderson Cooper's hairdo. In reality, they are not really a news organization than really a satellite for our message to the world. As you watch CNN, you get slowly duller and transmorgified into one of us. So please continue viewing.

History
CNN started back some time ago. We don't know when. All we know is that they began after a fox decided to make his own news station. We applaud you if you can figure out what it's called. CNN then hired some hobos from the street and gave them suits and the same old mantra: "Please vote for Obama. Yay Obama. He's really a dictator but you don't know that." They are so cute to watch.