Aunt Jemima

Aunt Jemima is the evil fake Maple Syrup alchemist who was the aunt of Richard Dawkins. We guess she still is, as her face is on all of her bottles of evilness. There are also claims that she lives in a Log Cabin, but we'll leave that up for the maple syrup conspiracy theorists.

Her childhood
Aunt Jemima never wrote a cheesy (or in this case, syrupy) biography, so we're rather clueless on her childhood. Her acclaimed nephew, the aforementioned Dawkins, once said of her, "She was positively brilliant at making maple syrup  that didn't include any natural ingredients. That's why I'm currently brilliant at making maple syrupy claims that don't include...natural..." He stormed off immediately afterwards.

Her infamy
Aunt Jemima teamed up with the Swiss Miss to annoy Estonians and to make unhealthy products cheaply. They were both sponsored by CNN and Barack Obama, and they both became incontrovertibly wealthy. Some even say that Aunt Jemima had a role in the conception of SPAM, but we'll leave THAT up to the canned meat conspiracy theorists.