LEGO

LEGO is the undeniably popular plaything that every kid either owns or doesn't own. When you play with LEGO, you make sure valuable sales tax dollars go to work in Hungary and Denmark, and not China. ...we've just been alerted that some LEGOs are made in China. Never mind. And be aware, we're completely ignorant toward pluralization laws that have been implanted globally by the Danish, so we're going to refer to LEGO(s) anyway we want. So hah.

History
LEGOs got their start when a guy had the epiphany that plastic could be used not only for bags and annoying electronic containers, but for colorful bricks that could be used to unlock the imagination and so forth. He first received funding from Aunt Jemima after they struck a deal on maple syrup reserves in Los Angeles. The man (we'll refer to him as Bill) then opened a factory right behind the Hollywood sign. After some pesky zoning laws that were also implemented globally by the Danish booted him from that prime real estate, he died. His son, Ole Kirk (he was horrible at name picking), took up the business and moved to Denmark to appease the bossy Danish. History was made.

Legacy
Nowadays, most children are playing with their Xboxs and PSPs and whatnot, but not LEGO. We personally enjoy that, as mindwashed children are malleable ones, but anyway... One of LEGO's biggest malefactors is Richard Dawkins. He despises anything religious, and LEGOs are not religious, but he doesn't care. He claims that reading science books and watching PBS will make the youngest generation perfect, but we don't think so. The funny part in this is that Richard was caught playing Pokemon Diamond in his English estate last week.

LEGOs and ISIS
The rapid expansion of ISIS (or IS, Boko Haram, whatever they go by these days) has been stumping CNN nearly as long as the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. What the silly media doesn't realize, however, is that LEGOs are the reason for their power. The interlocking design is ideal for making their handcrafted sand guns. And when ISIS isn't shooting stuff, they're probably building stuff, because the land territory they own is really, really boring. Worst real estate possible for an upstart terrorist state. (You can thank Denmark and their realty laws.) This is why Young Ole Kirk (Ole Kirk's beloved daughter) is trying to sell as many LEGOs as possible to ISIS, so they can maybe take over a tourist hotspot like Kurdistan, and therefore their most moneyed delicacy, Kurd Cheese Curds. The agreement between ISIS and LEGO is that once ISIS gets the Curds, LEGO can build a new theme park there: Young Ole Kirk's Cheesy Kurdistanland.