is a deliciously vile website created and dictated Mark Zuckerberg. It is full of Bias and Spam, and Rules complement the yummy, bossy buffet. Rednecks think it is a book full of faces. If you talk to Mitt Romney, he thinks <insert binders full of women joke joke here>.


Facebook got its start when Mark Zuckerberg, or Jesse Eisenburg (we still get the two confused thanks to that infuriating movie), decided it would be nice if he could post his potty stories on a slick social platform. He made sure to implement safety standards such protect children from reading other people's potty stories. He even made a Like button to signify when you really enjoyed someone's potty story. (Like us on Facebook.) In fact, CNN stepped up and made the first page completely dedicated to potty stories: its own Facebook page. Good for you, CNN! You guys are definitely not roadkill!


Facebook became the world's hottest website, eking out Webkinz and Club Penguin. With Facebook, people in China were able to read potty stories from Armenians! The world was revolutionized! (Like us on Facebook.) In 2012, Facebook made a big virtual step forward and made themselves public to the stock market or something. We're still too assimilated with Communist goat markets to be aware of the lingo.