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Maybe Your Mom.

Your Mom is your mother, and your mother is your mom. Though your mom may be biased at times, you should obey her or face punishment by law.

Your mom is generally known to have a strict set of rules, even though she doesn't practice communism like most bearers of them do. These rules are usually for the good of humanity, such as cleaning your plate or finishing certain chores.

Moms are required to give you cookies and milk every time you hurt yourself, otherwise she will no longer be your mom. So you should probably hurt yourself a lot, that way you can live up to gaining a lot of weight and be a normal American citizen, easing the process of Communist takeover.